even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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