Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
did you just send me my own nude
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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