at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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