But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Also, beer. Big fan.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
