I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
