It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
