SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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