ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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