She is in my trunk
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
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