You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
