Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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