I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We are two peas in an std pod
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
