Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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