hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
