I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
