what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
