is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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