Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize