wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
