Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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