I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize