I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
