I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
