I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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