Don't you send me to vm
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he thought i was a dude.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Randomize
