I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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