Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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