Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
