Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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