At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
