she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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