some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
