i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
