So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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