mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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