Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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