Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
