i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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