This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
