Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
