OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
