The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
