Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
