I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize