I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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