His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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