I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
