so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
