She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
