Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
