ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
