I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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