I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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