Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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