I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
