I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
