Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
