Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
