i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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