ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
