btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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