some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She told me I should be a condom model.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We don't watch enough power rangers
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
