i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
