I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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