I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
