Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
