omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
