you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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