My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Houston, we have a squirter
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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