"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
