Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sober January is a disaster.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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