took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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