cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
