yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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