So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
