Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
