What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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