ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
