I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
