I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
