Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
