Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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