you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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