Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
