Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
