so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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