She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
