The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
