If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
