Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
