We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
