my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
