I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
cat food counts as protein by the way
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize