I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
