i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
