He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
